Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

Stuff I can’t Explain: So Better to Laugh

July 27, 2007

By John E. Carey
Peace and Freedom
Just for fun category

I noticed about an hour after my wife left for work that her glasses were on the kitchen counter. I called to ask her if she wanted me to bring them over. The answer perplexed me.

“No. Forget it. I only need them to drive.”

Many questions. If she “only needs them to drive” how in God’s name did she navigate the ten miles to work? And if she did drive to work why did she spend the money on glasses?

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I disturbed a homeless lady in the parking lot this morning. She was seated on the ground and leaning against my car.

When I approached she growled, “Can’t you see I’m reading my Wall Street Journal”?

“My” Wall Street Journal as if it was delivered to her daily near my car….

I cannot explain this one bit….

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Where I stop for newspapers and coffee in the morning a Korean man was buying a taco. I stupidly asked, “You eat Mexican food for breakfast”?

He said, “I’m South-American-Korean.”

In America you can be whomever you want.

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I haven’t fallen asleep during a movie in five years or more. Last night I fell asleep during an airing of “The Passion of the Christ.”

I think you go to hell for that.

Have a great weekend!

Just for Fun: “Heck No I Will Not Assist You With Your Prostate!”

July 7, 2007

By John E. Carey
Peace and Freedom
July 7, 2007

A local grocery store chain, getting with the civic program, has decided to raise money for a number of causes this summer. But the management decided that just putting out pails along side signs asking for donations was ineffective. So they elected to use the charming strong arm techniques perfected by the Girl Scouts and the Later Day Saints.

So each cashier was trained in the fine art of the “shakedown.” At the end of every transaction, when you and I have money in our hands, the lovely cashier is told to ask, “Would you mind giving just one dollar toward Prostate Cancer Research?”

He or she is told to bat their eyes and look innocent right here.

Of course the charities change every two weeks or so meaning that the grocery store doesn’t constantly hear, “I gave for that last week.” Won’t work. Last week we were doing breast cancer research. I volunteered to do my own “hands on research” and the store manager asked me to leave when the lady behind me pulled down her tank top.

O.K., Back to THIS WEEK.

As I checked out of the ol’ “Steaks and Taters” last night, a giant of a check-out clerk that looked like a refugee from the WWF (that’s the World Wrestling Federation to the uninitiated), complete with steroid addiction, handed me my change and said, batting his eyes, “You wanna give a dollar toward Prostate Cancer?”

I couldn’t resist. I exploded with “Heck NO! I do NOT want to support your PROSTATE CANCER.” Then I spun into a rant befitting of the WWF, explaining that I was against prostate cancer under any and all circumstances and I wouldn’t give him a PENNY toward his prostate cancer’s support.

Well the grocery bagger inadvertently spit his gum from Aisle Eleven to Aisle Fourteen and a humongous African American Lady in line behind me exploded into raucous laughter and dropped a bottle of milk.

Check out and bagging ground to a halt while I continued with “You can keep your own prostate pal, but I am not going to give you any money for it!”

I was asked to leave the store for the second time in two weeks.

“Clean up on Aisle Eleven!”

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